Put down that gadget and enjoy your family

Toy Etiquette

I realize our culture is changing and it is becoming more commonplace to see people fiddling with their gadgets at any time or place. However, my rule for the use of gadgets is that if there is someone else in the room to engage with, you should not be working with a gadget. We lose so much by our failure to fully engage with each other. I see teens texting each other in the same room! There is research showing that, in many cases, teens have lost the ability to carry on routine conversations, even on a job interview, and that is attributed to their dependency on texting to communicate. Another interesting note: My wife says it looks bad if I take notes on my phone during a sermon or lecture, but pencil and paper are okay. The times, they are a’ changin’?

 Bottom Line

The important thing here is to be aware of what you’re giving up by becoming so enamored of your gadgets or toys. If this is taking you further away from your relationships, it’s probably time to set some boundaries. If you’re spending lots of time at home checking work emails or responding to work-related crises, or with your head in your latest toy, you can’t be fully relating to your family and those around you. If both parties in a relationship are spending their together time this way, critical opportunities for deeper communication are lost. My suggestion is to set some boundaries for the use of gadgets and toys at home. And impose these boundaries on children as well. How about, for example, at least one “technology-free hour” each night?

 I know it sounds old-fashioned, but there’s a lot of spiritual nurturing to be had for both parties in our deeper caring for relationships. If we are using technology to keep us from closeness with others or to help us dodge conflict, that is certainly not healthy. We need to be totally present with our families and with our partners, engaging on multiple levels. As noted elsewhere, if you have problems in your relationship, get some help with that, but don’t allow the problems (or side-stepping them) to continue to take the oxygen out of your marriage. Find ways to deal with the problems rather than use technology or other unhealthy practices as a substitute for real connection.