A Fresh Look at Forgiveness
I have a family member who hasn’t spoken to their adult son in 20 years—all because of a disagreement that happened during a difficult divorce. It’s amazing how easily we hold onto grudges, sometimes for a lifetime. But have you ever considered what it costs to carry resentment?
There’s a saying: Withholding forgiveness is like letting someone you resent live rent-free in your mind. The real question is, who is paying the price? The one who wronged you—or you?
What Is Forgiveness, Really?
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing harm. It’s a choice—a decision to let go of resentment so it no longer controls your life. Research shows that forgiveness can:
Improve relationships and emotional well-being
Reduce stress, anxiety, and depression
Lower blood pressure and ease chronic pain
Decrease the risk of substance abuse
On the flip side, holding onto grudges can keep you trapped in bitterness, making it harder to enjoy life, find meaning, or connect with others.
Why Is It So Hard to Forgive?
A Gallup poll found that while 94% of people believe forgiveness is important, 85% say they need help to actually do it. Even regular prayer wasn’t found to be particularly effective—only meditative prayer seemed to make a real difference.
Some people struggle more than others. Studies show that those with high levels of anger and hostility are less likely to forgive, even years later. But here’s the good news: forgiveness can be cultivated.
How to Move Toward Forgiveness
If you’re struggling to forgive someone, consider these approaches:
Journaling your thoughts and emotions
Seeking guidance from a trusted mentor, counselor, or spiritual leader
Practicing meditation or prayer focused on releasing resentment
Reflecting on times when you needed forgiveness yourself
It’s also important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t always lead to reconciliation. In some cases—especially if the other person is unwilling to communicate or the harm was severe—rebuilding the relationship may not be possible or even healthy. But forgiveness is for you, not for them.
What If You’re the One Who Needs Forgiveness?
If you’ve wronged someone, take responsibility. Offer a sincere apology without justifications. Ask for forgiveness, but recognize that the other person may need time. Your role is to acknowledge your mistakes and commit to treating others with empathy and respect.
Final Thought
Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook—it’s about freeing yourself. As Jesus said, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Studies show that when we forgive, we’re healthier, happier, and more at peace.
What’s one step you can take today toward forgiveness?
